New Season

First post of the new semester. I stick to the previous post that I feel bad for making this blog such a negative, whiny outlet. But at the same time, I don't appologize, because you know that I am not a whiner, but for some reason, I am able to process some things because I can see them and it makes it better. This semester seems to be starting off fine, I am CSUF working towards my Radio, TV, film degree and my room situation is infinitely better than last year.

Now to get to the negative/whiny part. While watching "forest Gump" I was reminded of the line, "I may be stupid, but i know what love is." This summer, I found love. I didn't find my love this summer, but I figured out what the feeling of love means to me. The girl that I can't talk to when I'm around. The girl that makes my heart beat out of my chest every time I think about her. The girl that has been burned by every man she's ever trusted but still smiles at me and pretends that everything is alright. This girl is the one I love. But I messed up. I can't tell her how I really feel. Because I got physical with her friend. Now the unwritten "girl code" combined with my own morals won't let me hurt her like every other guy she has loved has. But that doesn't change my feelings for her. As far as she knows, we are still just friends, but every time she looks at me, I feel like she reads my soul. Her piercing blue eyes break me down, and I put on the same fake smile she wears, just to get by.

Cliche or not, this is my predicament. I'm hoping that one day this will just be a funny and pathetic memory, but until then this is my life. Take it, or leave it.