New Season

First post of the new semester. I stick to the previous post that I feel bad for making this blog such a negative, whiny outlet. But at the same time, I don't appologize, because you know that I am not a whiner, but for some reason, I am able to process some things because I can see them and it makes it better. This semester seems to be starting off fine, I am CSUF working towards my Radio, TV, film degree and my room situation is infinitely better than last year.

Now to get to the negative/whiny part. While watching "forest Gump" I was reminded of the line, "I may be stupid, but i know what love is." This summer, I found love. I didn't find my love this summer, but I figured out what the feeling of love means to me. The girl that I can't talk to when I'm around. The girl that makes my heart beat out of my chest every time I think about her. The girl that has been burned by every man she's ever trusted but still smiles at me and pretends that everything is alright. This girl is the one I love. But I messed up. I can't tell her how I really feel. Because I got physical with her friend. Now the unwritten "girl code" combined with my own morals won't let me hurt her like every other guy she has loved has. But that doesn't change my feelings for her. As far as she knows, we are still just friends, but every time she looks at me, I feel like she reads my soul. Her piercing blue eyes break me down, and I put on the same fake smile she wears, just to get by.

Cliche or not, this is my predicament. I'm hoping that one day this will just be a funny and pathetic memory, but until then this is my life. Take it, or leave it.

sorry

man, i sound like such a whiner on my blog, I'm sorry. It's 3am and I'm still awake and looking through my blog trying to figure out how i want to make a professional website and I was looking through all my blog posts and they are all depressing and self loathing. It's good to go through seasons I guess, but i had a way better year than my blog makes it sound like. I really didn't like living in my room this semester, but it was still fun and entertaining despite the time I wanted to murder my roommates. Oh well, that's how it goes sometimes. If anyone knows how to make a website I would love some help. Thanks.

Dawn Patrol Poem

Dawn Patrol

By: Michael Slider

The stark grey clouds break into a flaming show of purple and orange,

Illuminating the vast sands and waters of the mighty Pacific.

Four souls in the sand, preparing for the day’s adventure,

Silence except for the crashing white water against the shore.

The four charge in, prepared to take on the mighty seas,

Their foam boards in hand, the water is cold.

Under the first wave and over the next, paddle the four,

Farther they swim to meet the break of the wave.

The bottle green water remains glassy between the sets,

An eerie sign of what is to come.

The horizon gives way to an approaching wall of blue, green, grey

The peak is strong, the four are ready.

One takes the lead, paddling forward with strength and speed,

Trying his best to out swim the approaching wave.

The right breaking wave barrels The One as his exit is closed off,

Sucked under with the deafining gurgling sound ringing in his ear.

Flipping, thrashing, groping, The One struggles to right himself and escape the watery grave,

No sight, no sound and no breath in his lungs to finish the fight.

Panic overtakes, and thoughts of loved ones left alone creep into the head of The One,

Finally after what feels like an eternitny, the feet of The One strike the cold sand below.

Quickly bursting through the dark abyiss and into the light, the cold air piecring his lungs,

Wiping the water from his eyes and clearing his throat from the previous battle against the elements.

The One rejoins the others, whose whoops and cries are a welcomed sound,

The glassy green settles back and the four wait for another round with the wall of blue, green, grey

The gulls fly overhead and a dolphin emerges to great the day and the four,

Who are blessed to belong to a beautiful scene.

An act of worship, the four stay out, conquering the undulating watery walls,

Remembering the fear and using it enhance the next ride.

The four charge ahead, foam boards in hand,

Patrolling the dawn and cutting the walls of blue, green, grey.

First Blog Post of '10

So, it's been awhile. But I find some type of strange of healing that is experienced by typing into oblivion and hoping that someone somewhere reads my musings and pretends to care. I have become complacent. I'm overweight, apathetic, unhygienic, and unruly. This needs to change, I need to change. I'm not depressed, but I every once and awhile get flustered, say some things I don't mean, then clean something in hopes of getting noticed for the person that I really am. I am planning on channeling my anger, confusion and disinterest into something beautiful and worth. I am not being taken seriously and my potential is not being realized or utilized, I know that I am a funny person and I don't normally say insightful things, but this time I am serious and I AM CHANGING. Love ya.

Sadie Hawkins at Santa Monica Pier

Last weekend our had out Sadie Hawkins dance at the Santa Monica Pier. It was a great time and these are a few of my favorite images from the night. Enjoy!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Somehow this blank white box with size 12 type, helps bring out a subconscious thought train that rolls from end to end. The memories within flow through the fingers and onto the keys in a manner not customary to the host. The jumbled cognition reach critical load and are disposed of in this online receptical and lost in the cyber waves for others to surf upon. No real thought involved in the words, just the instinctual rhythm of the black little squares and the rectangular bar. When all else fails you, the brain takes over and sorts stuff out. Silence and rage seem to be the only true things, but at the same time drive the fingers to type more and think less. Surely there is a better way to solve this dilemma. Communication you say? The words from the mouth fall on deaf ears as if carried by the wind. Predetermined thoughts block the canals that interpret the sounds of the damned and the laughter masks the abhoration of all. A clever vocabulary is used to promote the unfamiliar feelings, and a pretentious blog posting is used to express the flurries of pensation that be crest all. Enter the demon, who envelopes the joy of the environment and reignites the feelings of admonition. But alas, within 2 fortnights, their shall be a tremendous reunion of souls, and the fleeting sorrow will be undone. Engaged in the battle till death dost thou part, the everlasting struggle continues to unfurl as the poetry of the cerebral dome carries out the hypnotic therapy of natures design. It is through faith that the skirmish shall fade swiftly and the victor be crowned. until that day, when all Hope is found, the warrior will rage on, and the Quest carried forth.

Re-evaluation

I'm stumped. I'm at somewhat of a crossroads right now and i'm not sure what to do. The furture seems promising, but with a dissmal shadow lingering behind. Something is not right, but I can't figure outwhat it is. My goal in life is to not be bored. I need to do something that keeps my interest. I want to do stuff, try stuff, and enjoy stuff. So the dilemma is what do I do? Where do I go to do that stuff. I hope that things make more sense in the next few days and weeks.